This picture is such fun 🙂
So I watched The Dark Knight Rises. I was hopped up on all the madness, but the movie turned out, well, read on….
My top 10 reasons why TDKR was such a snoozefest:
- Bane’s big idea of bankrupting Bruce Wayne by “attacking” the stock market and doing some computing magic. If that’s what it takes to bankrupt a millionaire, then I’m game to swindle the Ambanis!
- Bane. The previous villain, The Joker, was amazing. Bane was masked up the entire movie and I wasn’t able to make out half of what he was saying. More scenes sans mask would have been interesting.
- The airplane scene in the beginning. It looked too Inception-ey; it felt like Nolan is paying homage to his own film. The actors were also quite stoic. The Dark Knight, on the other hand, had a kick-ass intro. Even the bank manager had pitched in.
- The Batplane. Sure it looked cool and was loud and all. But it somehow reminded me of a Transformer banished from Cybertron.
- The reticence and reclusiveness of Bruce Wayne. Why is he so sulky in all three Nolan’s Batman films?
- Catwoman. She should have remained badass even in the end. It was a really good role, but Catwoman ending up in a relationship-of-sorts with Batman?!
- A prison inside a well where there is actually a person designated to help you escape. They should have put Morgan Freeman there and make him relive his Shawshank Redemption days.
- Bane’s takeover of Gotham for five months. Five months! What’ll he do there for that long? Do the lecture circuit?
- The mysterious and finally evil Miranda what’s-her-name played by Marion Cotillard. That’s bad casting, right there. She has played sweet roles throughout her career and she just couldn’t play evil hag role convincingly.
- Finally, Batman’s freaking identity is known to half the people in the movie! Catwoman knows it. Blake the cop knows it. The commissioner almost guesses it. Bane and ALL his henchmen know it (through that ridiculous melee scene where Bane characteristically rips off Batman’s mask).
So, it’s a two thumbs down for the movie. Maybe one can watch it just to complete the trilogy. But to live the Dark Knight experience again? Meh.
UPDATE: Here’s another list I just found dissing The Dark Knight Rises, just to make you guys mad 😀 http://movieline.com/2012/07/23/dark-knight-rises-plot-holes-9-logical-problems/
Here’s a “dude’s” summary of the film Armageddon I found online 🙂
So, Billy Bob Thornton is, like, the Boss of NASA or whatever (LOL), and he is like “we have got to f*** up this asteroid,” and some guy is like “we’ll just nuke it,” and Billy Bob Thornton is like “we can’t nuke it because of some made up reason,” and so they decide that the only way to destroy the asteroid and save the Earth is to talk to Bruce Willis, the Best Oil Driller in the World. Oh boy, here we go. Meanwhile, out on the oil rig, Bruce Willis is hitting golf balls at a Greenpeace boat because he is a MAN. It’s hilarious and stupid how you work to make the world a better place based on deeply held personal beliefs when you should be shooting at Ben Affleck with a shotgun because he is having sex with your daughter, Liv Tyler. The army is like “Mr. Bruce Willis, please come with us, asteroid time,” and Bruce Willis is like, “Ben Affleck is fired.” And I don’t even know what the big deal is anyway, because if we learned anything from Deep Impact it’s that when the asteroid hits Earth you just need to run up a tall hill.
So, NASA is going to send a team of astronauts into space to land on the asteroid (sure) and drill a hole in it (yes) and fill the hole with a nuclear device (absolutely). But Bruce Willis is like “you guys are so stupid, the only way to do this is to send me into space.” OH, HOLD ON, WHAT? Nevermind, because it gets so much better a few seconds later when Bruce Willis is like “and I want to take my own team with me.” Take your own team with you? Into space? To land on an asteroid? And drill a hole in the asteroid and put a nuclear bomb in that hole? Better bring Daniel Farraday with you. You don’t want things to get ridiculous.
So, Bruce Willis hires all his pals, and surprise: they are so wacky and out of control! Oh, and he hires Ben Affleck, even though he just fired Ben Affleck? Also, Ben Affleck already has his own oil company but it has been literally 24 hours since he was working for Bruce Willis? How did he get an oil company so fast? These are the types of questions we might have time to wonder if that asteroid wasn’t coming straight for us! Of course, it’s hard to imagine a group this ragtag going into space, but they are the only chance we have. Most astronauts train for years to go into space, but these oilmen will only have 12 days. Insert 45 minute training sequence. Now they are ready to go into space! First stop is the international space station where there is a kooky Russian cosmonaut who has space cabin fever and then there is another 45 minute sequence involving fuel lines and space fires and oh no Ben Affleck almost dies but then he doesn’t die at all phew but then a few minutes later he almost dies again but he still doesn’t die. But some people die. Because his ship (one of two!) gets hit by a meteor and crashes on the asteroid. (You know how things in space are always crashing.)”
For those of you who have watched the movie Inglourious Basterds, you have to agree that it is a fantastic one. It is exciting right from the beginning, sinister yet funny, and has an ensemble cast chock full of over-the-top protagonists and antagonists. It is also made up of multiple chapters which are like films on their own, and thus a perfect recipe for a novelization. A novelization is the opposite of “Based on the book by…” i.e., it is when a film is made into a book, replacing the moments and emotions with words. That is exactly what I am doing, or, at least, trying to do. I am converting my favorite movie into a book!
So far, one chapter is over. If you have watched the movie, it the one where SS Colonel Hans Landa visits “French cow country,” hunting for hiding Jews. I hope Quentin Tarantino, the director, won’t mind my feeble attempt to breach Copyright laws 🙂 But, if ever, he should feel pleased! If the book winds up well, I might publish it here, or make a real book out of it 🙂